After actually loads of falls, none of which persuaded him to just accept assist or use a walker, Dad, at 87, after all got here down laborious and broke 4 ribs. That twist of fate jump-started the slide that ended in his loss of life. I ask myself: Will my self-awareness overcome my very own (it sounds as if genetic) stubbornness?
So on my listing is what I advised my dad over and over again:
“I’ll try to remember that the best way to stay independent is to accept smaller degrees of dependence or assistance. I’ll use a walker rather than fall and break bones.”
A pal of mine put it this fashion: “I will use a walker so I won’t fall, even when it wrecks my outfit.” Designer walkers, any person?
I’ll admit that vainness drives numerous my dos and don’ts. About 8 years in I wrote:
“I will not blame the family dog on my lap for my incontinence. I will choose the humiliation of wearing adult diapers over the humiliation of wetting my bed and having someone else clean the sheets.”
For years, my dad selected the latter. Heck, possibly I’ll even develop in my self-acceptance in order that I received’t view incontinence as humiliation.
I additionally wish to deal with some taste. Right till the top my mom, who died previous this 12 months, persevered to have her hair styled and coloured, and her manicured nails painted her trademark Jungle Red. I wrote:
“If I can’t take care of my personal grooming any more, I will find help. If I don’t care about my personal grooming any more, I will find different help.” At the very least I wish to be blank — and odor recent, like Mom — so other people sit down through me and hang my hand.
“Whiten teeth” could also be on my listing. A pal of mine has this access on her listing: “Wear pants that touch the tops of my shoes at least.”
My listing additionally recognizes my quickness to anger, which is a trait I shared with each folks. A 12 months earlier than Mom’s loss of life her aide time and again requested her to do a little post-surgical respiring workout routines prescribed through the oncologist, however which she hated doing as a result of they had been difficult. One afternoon, Mom, in deep frustration, lashed out on the aide the usage of language I’m too embarrassed to copy, and I used to be the one that took the aide’s name of justified criticism. Onto my listing went:
“If I’m hurt or angry by what’s happening to me or my body, I will do my best not to take it out on those who are closest to me.”
“I will be kind.”
“I will apologize.”
As I march onward from 60, I proceed to concentrate and deal with my listing. But I stay conscious of what one buddy advised me: “The important thing is to remember no matter how much we tell ourselves we won’t be like our parents, no matter how hard and fast we run in the other direction, we become them.”
Ironically, I've some steerage on that as neatly. My grandmother, the one that fell at the subway, as soon as made a an identical listing, which I discovered amongst my father’s papers. Hers integrated:
1. Do now not fall.
2. Work on controlling forgetfulness
three. Think earlier than you discuss
four. Eat fairly and no wealthy truffles
five. Do the most efficient you'll be able to. Learn through your mistakes.
I indisputably hope to be informed from her mistakes, and my folks’, and keep away from making too a lot of my very own. Mostly I'm hoping with the intention to pass judgement on when to prevent including to the listing, and get started following its recommendation.